Mikey

I like you more then you know

And yet I will probably never tell you this

Because I know what we are

And I know our limitations

And yet when you smile at me

Or laugh at my jokes

Or kiss me so sweetly

I imagine things

A future

A family

A life

But then reality slaps me back to consciousness

And I realize I hardly know you

Beyond the facts

Beyond the smile

You’re just a feeling

Something not rational

Something not real

Nothing solid beneath us

Only clouds above us

It isn’t a surprise then

That I always feel like I’m floating

When I’m with you.

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Lately I’ve been up and I’ve been down

I’m doing great things for myself

Becoming a new me, a better me

I feel confident in who I am

But loneliness always rears it’s ugly head

And instead of feeling accomplished and whole

I feel like I’m only a half

Waiting for someone

Waiting for a feeling

Waiting to be happy-er

I want someone to grow with

To care for

To be a partner to

To see the same future

And I know I won’t find such a man on this site

But you’d think I’d find someone

Somewhere else

And the men I do come in contact with

Don’t think I’m good enough material

Because I’ve fucked around “too much”

But what does it matter

When I know I’m a good person

Driving and forgetting

Sometimes while sitting in traffic I’ll compose a thought or two, but the same thing always happens. I get caught up while coming home and forget half the lines I’ve written in my head. SO by the time I commit these things to stroke and key, it comes out jargled and bits and pieces are missing like an incomplete puzzle

Genuine self

I feel as though I’ve kept up the facade of being consistently happy

No one wants to know the sad me

And if they did, would they reject me?

Even some of my closest friends don’t know me completely

I’ve been so good at being good

That they don’t know how bad I’ve really been

Do they care to know? I haven’t found anyone that inquisitive

I don’t think people want to know other people’s complexities

it’s so much simpler to be simple, basic, monotone.