I keep telling myself he’s not so great. So I avoid him I don’t talk to him but eventually the idea of him gets larger and larger. Soon he turns into this mythos of a man. His good qualities magnified while his flaws almost completely forgotten.
A friend and lover once asked me “what draws you towards monogamy? Especially when instead of trying to find everything from one person, multiple lovers can fulfill your needs more readily”. My short answer, I’m lazy/don’t like to juggle too many men at once. And while his way of living/fucking may not fit me I do agree with him.
Take for instance in my pursuit for monogamy I do keep 2-3 partners at once until I can find “the one”. Every guy fulfills a purpose.
First string lover provides friendship and fucking. Which include activities outside the bedroom and a healthy amount of personal sharing. I can sleep over at his house comfortably without worry. This relationship almost borders on potential but usually never reaches full potency due to some underlying thing we cannot compromise on i.e. He does not want any children.
Second string lover provides good escapism and sometimes raw animal magnetism. He’s usually good for a drink every other week that turns into a night long fuck fest in which afterwards we catch up and cuddle and then part ways. I usually dont sleep at his place and our conversations never run deeper then the regular small talk (how’s work, how are you)
And then there’s my pinch hitter. He’s a fucking machine, provides no mental stimulus, but he is available almost anytime I call him. We don’t know anything personal about each other, other then a vague idea of what the other does for a living. This guy never stays around for very long because I lose interest quickly.